


What Hurts The Most

by DreamfromHeart



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alternate Universe, Character Death, Character Turned Into Vampire, F/M, I Will Go Down With This Ship, POV Third Person Limited, i mean come on sparkly aint scary, vampires don't sparkle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-21
Updated: 2017-07-21
Packaged: 2018-12-05 00:41:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11566734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamfromHeart/pseuds/DreamfromHeart
Summary: A ONE-SHOT based on Rascal Flatts's 'What Hurts The Most'. Edward leaves & Jasper stays behind to take care of the Victoria situation & then leaves. Come find out how Bella will find her Jasper again. Mild Language/Swearing.





	What Hurts The Most

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
> The vampires are of the ‘traditional’ variety, fangs and all the mythical version rather than the shitty Twilight Saga’s ‘sparkling douche bags’. But here’s the kicker, the gifts part remains just like in Twilight.

It’s Bella’s eighteenth birthday and she should be excited, right? But she isn’t, she never had a reason to do so, after all her parents separated on her birthday. And since living with her mother, they never celebrated it, not having enough resources to go with the extravaganzas and stuff. So, when the little pixie, Alice adamantly threw her a party, she was reluctant to go through with it.

 _But Alice gets what she wants_. Bella thought bitterly as she entered the foyer of Cullen’s house, looking at the decoration, it was all crystals and pinks. _Ugh! Too much pink!_ Her thoughts took a disgruntled, disgusted connotation. Jasper shot her an understanding yet confused look, the question was clear: ‘I know the monstrosity that Alice can cook up, but isn’t your birthday to be celebrated rather than mourned?’

They were all waiting in the huge white living room; when she walked through the door, they greeted her with a loud chorus of "Happy birthday, Bella!" while she blushed and looked down. Alice had covered every flat surface with pink candles and dozens of crystal bowls filled with hundreds of roses. There was a table with a white cloth draped over it next to Edward's grand piano, holding a pink birthday cake, more roses, a stack of glass plates, and a small pile of silver-wrapped presents.

It was a hundred times worse than she'd imagined.

Edward, sensing her distress, wrapped an encouraging arm around her waist and kissed the top of her head.

Edward's parents, Carlisle and Esme – impossibly youthful and lovely as ever – were the closest to the door. Esme hugged her carefully, her soft, caramel-colored hair brushing against Bella’s cheek as she kissed her forehead, and then Carlisle put his arm around her shoulders.

"Sorry about this, Bella," he stage-whispered. "We couldn't rein Alice in."

Rosalie and Emmett stood behind them. Rosalie didn't smile, but at least she didn't glare. Emmett's face was stretched into a huge grin. It had been months since she'd seen them; she'd forgotten how gloriously beautiful Rosalie was - it almost hurt to look at her. And had Emmett always been so... big?

"You haven't changed at all," Emmett said with mock disappointment. "I expected a perceptible difference, but here you are, red-faced just like always."

"Thanks a lot, Emmett," she said, blushing deeper.

He laughed, "I have to step out for a second" - he paused to wink conspicuously at Alice - "Don't do anything funny while I'm gone."

"I’ll try."

Alice let go of Jasper's hand and skipped forward, all her teeth sparkling in the bright light. Jasper smiled, too, but kept his distance. He leaned, long and blond, against the post at the foot of the stairs. During the days we'd had to spend cooped up together in Phoenix, she thought he'd gotten over his aversion to her. But he'd gone back to exactly how he'd acted before – avoiding me as much as possible – the moment he was free from that temporary obligation to protect her. She knew it wasn't personal, just a precaution, but she couldn’t stop being deeply hurt and sensitive about it. Jasper had more trouble sticking to the Cullens' diet than the rest of them; the scent of human blood was much harder for him to resist than the others - he hadn't been trying as long.

"Time to open presents," Alice declared. She put her cool hand under Bella’s elbow and towed her to the table with the cake and the shiny packages.

"Alice, I know I told you I didn't want anything - "

"But I didn't listen," she interrupted, smug. "Open it." She took the camera from her hands and replaced it with a big, square silver box.

The box was so light that it felt empty. The tag on top said that it was from Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper. Self-consciously, she tore the paper off and then stared at the box it concealed.

It was something electrical, with lots of numbers in the name. She opened the box, hoping for further illumination. But the box was empty.

"Um... thanks."

Rosalie actually cracked a smile. Jasper laughed. "It's a stereo for your truck," he explained. "Emmett's installing it right now so that you can't return it."

 _Alice was always one step ahead of me,_ she thought bitterly. "Thanks, Jasper, Rosalie," she told them, grinning as she remembered Edward's complaints about her radio this afternoon - all a setup, apparently. "Thanks, Emmett!" she called more loudly.

His booming laugh war heard from her truck, and she couldn't help laughing, too.

"Open mine and Edward's next," Alice said, so excited her voice was a high-pitched trill. She held a small, flat square in her hand.

Bella turned to give Edward a basilisk glare. "You promised."

Before he could answer, Emmett bounded through the door. "Just in time!" he crowed. He pushed in behind Jasper, who had also drifted closer than usual to get a good look.

"I didn't spend a dime," Edward assured her. He brushed a strand of hair from her face, leaving her skin tingling from his touch.

Bella inhaled deeply and turned to Alice. "Give it to me," she sighed.

Emmett chuckled with delight.

She took the little package, rolling her eyes while sticking her finger under the edge of the paper and jerking it under the tape.

"Shoot," she muttered when the paper sliced her finger; she pulled it out to examine the damage. A single drop of blood oozed from the tiny cut.

It all happened very quickly then.

"No!" Edward roared as Emmett restrained him. He dodged Emmett and pushed her.

Bella felt airborne for a few seconds until a warm, comforting and safe feeling embraced her and she was enveloped in the arms of the empath. She gulped in big breaths of cool night air as she was gently sat over soft grass.

She looked at her savior who was crouched in front of her, inspecting her cut, his bright blue eyes boring into hers as he brought her hand to his mouth and lightly sucked off the few droplets of blood that had trickled out of her shallow cut.

She watched in fascination as his eyes turned black and he stared at her with his glittering orbs. She was deeply immersed in his eyes as they seemed to swallow her whole. Pillow soft lips pressed into hers and she gave into their dominance, letting go of the self-consciousness and for once, embracing the unknown.

Three days and two night after, she was still submersed in that kiss, that singular most exciting kiss she had ever experienced. She parked her truck on the curb as she saw Edward standing near her spot. His car wasn’t there.

"Come for a walk with me," he suggested in an unemotional voice, taking her hand.

She didn't answer. She couldn't think of a way to protest, but she instantly knew that she wanted to. She didn't like this. This is bad, this is very bad, the voice in her head repeated again and again.

But he didn't wait for an answer. He pulled her along toward the east side of the yard, where the forest encroached. She followed unwillingly, trying to think through the panic. It was what she wanted, she reminded herself. The chance to talk it all through. So why was the panic choking her?

They'd gone only a few steps into the trees when he stopped. They were barely on the trail - she could still see the house.

Some walk.

Edward leaned against a tree and stared at her, his expression unreadable.

"Okay, let's talk," she said. It sounded braver than it felt.

He took a deep breath.

"Bella, we're leaving."

She took a deep breath, too. This was an acceptable option. She thought she was prepared. But she still had to ask.

"Why now? Another year - "

"Bella, it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless."

His answer confused her. She thought the point of leaving was to let his family live in peace. Why did they have to leave if the family was going? She stared at him, trying to understand what he meant.

He stared back coldly.

With a roll of nausea, she realized she'd misunderstood.

"When you say we - ," she whispered.

"I mean my family and myself." Each word separate and distinct.

She shook her head back and forth mechanically, trying to clear it. He waited without any sign of impatience. It took a few minutes before she could speak.

"Okay," she said. "I'll come with you."

"You can't, Bella. Where we're going... It's not the right place for you."

"Where you are is the right place for me."

"I'm no good for you, Bella."

"Don't be ridiculous." she wanted to sound angry, but it just sounded like she was begging. "You're the very best part of my life."

"My world is not for you," he said grimly.

"What happened at my birthday - that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!"

"You're right," he agreed. "It was exactly what was to be expected."

"You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay - "

"As long as that was best for you," he interrupted to correct me.

"No! This is about my soul, isn't it?" she shouted, furious, the words exploding out of her – somehow it still sounded like a plea. "Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you – it's yours already!"

He took a deep breath and stared, unseeingly, at the ground for a long moment. His mouth twisted the tiniest bit. When he finally looked up, his eyes were different, harder - like the liquid gold had frozen solid.

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." He spoke the words slowly and precisely, his cold eyes on my face, watching as she absorbed what he was really saying.

There was a pause as she repeated the words in her head a few times, sifting through them for their real intent.

"You... Don't... Want me?" she tried out the words, confused by the way they sounded, placed in that order.

"No."

She stared, uncomprehending, into his eyes. He stared back without apology. His eyes were like topaz – hard and clear and very deep. She felt like she could see into them for miles and miles, yet nowhere in their bottomless depths could she see a contradiction to the word he'd spoken.

"Well, that changes things." she was surprised by how calm and reasonable her voice sounded. It must be because she was so numb. She couldn't realize what he was telling her. It still didn't make any sense.

He looked away into the trees as he spoke again. "Of course, I'll always love you... In a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm... Tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human." He looked back, and the icy planes of his perfect face were not human. "I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that."

"Don't." Her voice was just a whisper now; awareness was beginning to seep through her, trickling like acid through her veins. "Don't do this."

He just stared at her, and she could see from his eyes that her words were far too late. He already had.

"You're not good for me, Bella." He turned his earlier words around, and so she had no argument. How well she knew that she wasn't good enough for him.

She opened her mouth to say something, and then closed it again. He waited patiently, his face wiped clean of all emotion. She tried again.

"If... That's what you want."

He nodded once.

Her whole body went numb. She couldn't feel anything below the neck.

"I would like to ask one favor, though, if that's not too much," he said.

She wonder what he saw on her face, because something flickered across his own face in response. But, before she could identify it, he'd composed his features into the same serene mask.

"Anything," she vowed, her voice faintly stronger.

As she watched, his frozen eyes melted. The gold became liquid again, molten, burning down into mine with an intensity that was overwhelming.

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid," he ordered, no longer detached. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

She nodded helplessly.

His eyes cooled, the distance returned. "I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself - for him."

She nodded again. "I will," she whispered.

He seemed to relax just a little.

"And I'll make you a promise in return," he said. "I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed."

Her knees must have started to shake, because the trees were suddenly wobbling. She could hear the blood pounding faster than normal behind her ears. His voice sounded farther away.

He smiled gently. "Don't worry. You're human - your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."

"And your memories?" she asked. It sounded like there was something stuck in her throat, like she was choking.

"Well" – he hesitated for a short second – “I won't forget. But my kind... We're very easily distracted." He smiled; the smile was tranquil and it did not touch his eyes.

He took a step away from her. "That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again."

The plural caught her attention. That surprised her; she would have thought she was beyond noticing anything.

"Alice isn't coming back," she realized. She don't know how he heard her – the words made no sound – but he seemed to understand.

He shook his head slowly, always watching her face.

"No. They're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye."

"Alice is gone?" Her voice was blank with disbelief.

"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you."

She was dizzy; it was hard to concentrate. His words swirled around in her head, and she heard the doctor at the hospital in Phoenix, last spring, as he showed her the X-rays. ‘You can see it's a clean break,’ his finger traced along the picture of my severed bone. ‘That's good. It will heal more easily, more quickly.’

She tried to breathe normally. She needed to concentrate, to find a way out of this nightmare.

"Goodbye, Bella," he said in the same quiet, peaceful voice.

"Wait!" she choked out the word, reaching for him, willing her deadened legs to carry her forward.

She thought he was reaching for her, too. But his cold hands locked around her wrists and pinned them to her sides. He leaned down, and pressed his lips very lightly to her forehead for the briefest instant. Her eyes closed.

"Take care of yourself," he breathed, cool against her skin.

There was a light, unnatural breeze. Her eyes flashed open. The leaves on a small vine maple shuddered with the gentle wind of his passage.

He was gone.

With shaky legs, ignoring the fact that her action was useless, she followed him into the forest. The evidence of his path had disappeared instantly. There were no footprints, the leaves were still again, but…

“Bella?” the rough yet soothing voice of Jasper brought her out of her dangerous thoughts.

She shook her head as she came to, she looked at Jasper’s face and hope blossomed in her chest, _maybe someone stayed behind for me_. She thought as she waited for him to say something.

“Get back to your house, Victoria is out there.” Jasper whispered in her ear low enough for only her to hear.

She nodded and ran back to her house, heart pounding in her chest, adrenalin making her muscles move faster. She was feeling again. She wasn’t numb. Thoughts of Edward far from her mind as Jasper returned a few minutes later.

“She got away.” He growled. “But she’ll definitely come back.”

It took him three weeks to take care of both Laurent and Victoria. After that, he stayed for few weeks until his friends Peter and Charlotte came and he went away with them. Bella had sunken in gloom. Not knowing what to do now that the only link to her sanity she had was gone. She felt like a piece of her soul had broken off from her and went with Jasper, and her poor, poor, bruised heart, shattered. She was empty, she didn’t stop functioning though, she just wore a mask of fake cheerfulness. But on the inside, in the very depth of her being, it was nothing but a big, black void.

* * *

It was February now, and she was growing restless. Going on a drive, she saw a few Quileute men jump off the cliff. Worried she went to see only to find them whooping from the bottom and enjoying the sunny and exceptionally warm day. With a thought of trying it later, she went back to Charlie’s house.

A week later, she was back on the cliff-face, her truck behind her as she jumped in the water giving a shriek as her hair thrashed her face, she hit the surface of the icy water and gulped in a huge breath. Swimming to the beach, but the currents were pushing her in. Her lungs were burning for some much needed oxygen, her limbs were growing heavier and she was losing consciousness, her mind conjuring an image of Jasper before her closed eyes, she sighed his name and gave herself over to the mercy of the oceans.

She was saved by a group of Quileute men and brought to Sue Clearwater’s clinic where after giving her some warm tea and medicines, she was free to go. Returning home, she was bulldozed into chasing after saving the one man she thought had loved her. Alice took her to Italy. After saving him from his death, Bella returned home to be grounded by Charlie.

Edward was back, so were the rest of the family. Yet, there was something… someone missing, she felt his absence in the remainder of her very soul. The feeling so profound that it knocked her breathless, though she learned to compose herself. Wearing a better mask for the sake of hiding her desolation from the vampires in her life.

Months later, her graduation came and went but there was no sign of Jasper, the one man she yearned to see. Bella demanded to be changed – the deadline by Volturi being reminded to them by Jane and co., Edward proposed a deal, if she marries him, then he will change her. With heart as heavy as lead, she agreed, praying to every deity to give her the one she wanted the most.

It was the day before the extra-extravagant wedding, if the engagement ring and wedding dress were any indication to go by. She was at her house in her room after spending the day with Cullen women in a spa. She was tired, bone-weary and dreading the day to come like it was the plague.

She found a box under her bed, well she hit her foot on it but whatever. Inside the cardboard box was a mobile phone, an air ticket to Houston, Texas, an outfit for the hot, dry weather in the whole ‘Cowgirl’ ensemble. Along with a note which was written in clear but spiky script ‘ _What are you waiting for?_ ’ on the backside was written an address, outside of Houston – her Google Maps search told.

And she was off, off to be free, leaving the ring with a note that simply said ‘ _Sorry_ ’ for anyone who came upon it.

* * *

Jasper sat in the dark of his room as Peter entered it after knocking. Peter pressed a bag of packaged blood into his hand and stood there until Jasper gave up with a sigh and drained the bag.

“Now was that so hard?” Peter muttered looking at his sire and brother in arms.

Jasper sighed again and kept mum.

“What is it?” Peter sighed. “Tell me, Jasper. It sucks to see you like this.” Peter put his hand Jasper’s shoulder, willing him to talk to him.

Jasper sighed and stood up, going to the liquor cabinet. “I’ll be needing this,” he said in his rough from disuse voice. After gulping the entire bottle in less than a minute, he stumbled to his chair and tumbled into it. “I left my mate, sacrificed her for the pussy who doesn’t deserves her utter devotion and trust let alone love.”

Peter just patted him on the shoulder, not knowing what else to do.

“The funny thing is she believes he is her mate. I never even had the courage to tell her that she is… _was_ mine.” Jasper silenced as soundless tears traced down his cheeks. Not noticing in his suffering that Peter had left him alone.

It was a day later when a mail arrived, marked as Jasper’s from the Cullens. Upon being coerced, he reluctantly opened the thick, manila envelope and his breath caught, a strangled sob escaped him and he knocked the coffee table into the wall in his rage, nothing was left standing in the room, save for the liquor cabinet. Jasper sank to his knees, cracking the marble floor with the force. He gave into the urge to wail, to cry his eyes out, to scratch his useless heart out of his chest. _I don’t need it_ , he reasoned, _even my mate doesn’t want it._

Peter came in to find the mess Jasper’s room had become. “Hang in just a little longer, brother.” He said as he held his grief-stricken friend, holding his arms behind his back, to prevent Jasper to claw his own heart out.

An hour passed, so did a day, then an entire week. Jasper had shut his emotions down, forcing it all to hold inside him.

Peter was taking care of his zombie-fied friend, making sure that alcohol wasn’t the only thing he drank. He went on to hunt, not being able to keep himself in such a state of distress, he just needed to book a cab for the Bride to be to get her to Texas, to Jasper.

When he reached back, he was surprised to find his alcohol stock of an year’s worth gone, Jasper was inebriated, mumbling incoherently.

“There you are!” his words slurred and it took Jasper three tries to stand upright from his position on the floor.

“What happened, Jasper?”

“My mate is marrying my ex-brother tomorrow, that’s what.”

“And how do you feel about that.”

“I… I want to die, Pete. But I won’t… my pa didn’t raised a coward.”

“There’s more.” Peter urged him.

Jasper gave into his emotions, his body vibrating with a fierce growl.

“It hurts, oh god it hurts so much to think about her as someone else’s. But you know Peter, what hurts the most was being so close, having so much to say and then having to let her go. I never really got a chance of knowing what could’ve been and that love her was all that I was trying to do.” He paused, giving a humorless chuckle. “You know, Alice was right, I’m a loser, just a sore loser. I lost my soul mate to a prude who treats her like a damned pet. And what’s worse is that she’s fucking marrying his ass today.” He gave a side glance to the wall clock.

“Jasper.” Comes a timid voice from the foyer.

He turns around, his eyes locking with his mate, standing there wearing a pair of jean shorts and a flannel along with cowgirl boots and a Stetson atop her head, her hairs piled into the hat spilling down her face and neck. “Bella, my Bella.”

She runs into him, crashing into his chest and then jumping, using his shoulders as leverage to wrap her legs around his waist. “I love you.” She said.

Jasper kisses her reverently, his hands holding her up, one supporting her ass, the other wound into her hair after he placed the Stetson on his head – splaying her hairs down her back.

“I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this story. I enjoy writing this story. Please share your views they are most welcomed and appreciated.  
> Much Love - Dream from Heart


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